NFL Santas Lead Blocker

Yesterday, Gretz hit the highlights of the most uncomfortable holiday-related press conference you'll ever see. Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin, who figured he'd be talking about, well, the Steelers, was interrupted by some old dude dressed as Santa.

Sounds harmless enough until you see the moving pictures (the NFL.com feed is here, the Pittsburgh-Tribune Review's is below).

Terrell Owens does stupid things in front of reporters (and probably in the privacy of his home, but we don't have video cameras in order to be privy to that.) His newest one is actually kind of funny though: he decided to wear a Christmas Cowboys cap along with strapping on a blinking red nose, like a reindeer, while speaking with reporters in the locker room.



Of course, TO also forgot that, traditionally, it's a clown that wears the red nose, regardless of the season. And, despite the humor of this act, that's what, again, he comes across as.

H/T: Salty Milk

Everything seemingly fell into place for the 2007 Cleveland Browns when the team benched Charlie Frye in Week 1, sent him to Seattle, and installed Derek Anderson as the starter. Fifteen weeks later, the Browns are 9-5, tied atop the AFC North (although the Steelers hold the tiebreaker) and are one win away from making the playoffs.

But Anderson isn't solely responsible for the turnaround. There are also the three pass-catching threats: Braylon Edwards, Kellen Winslow and Joe Jurevicius, as well as the bruising running back, Jamal Lewis.

Together -- along with a solid offensive line -- the Browns' offense has been one of the most potent in the AFC. But there's a chance Cleveland might have to find the next Lewis because this one could be cashing in on his last opportunity for a big payday.

Lewis has been quoted as saying he would "sign one-year deals all day long" -- which is exactly what he did last off-season. But he was also coming off a rough stretch with the Ravens, and many thought he'd never regain the form that saw him go for over 2,000 yards in 2003.

He's still not there, but he's rushed for almost 1,100 yards and had nine touchdowns this season, which has been more than enough to keep defenses honest against the run. Given his role in this offense, should the Browns think about signing him to something longer than a one-year deal? The Cleveland Plain Dealer's Bud Shaw doesn't think so:

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

Santa's Lead Blocker: Michael Vick's Bentley

We're going all Santa's Lead Blocker today, just in case any of you are stuck for gift-giving ideas. We're going to try to hit every price range, too, and we're starting at the top ... up first is a 2006 Bentley Continental GT once owned by Michael Vick.

It's a beautiful car, and a series of detailed pictures make it clear that someone's spent a lot of time and effort cleaning all the pitbull blood out of it. It's spotless. And since Mike isn't going farther than the commissary these days, someone might as well be able to get some use out of it.

(Also on Today's List: Put your ass where Mike Ditka's ass once was ... The perfect garter belt if you're marrying a total whore ... A sample of horse DNA that you don't have to get yourself ... And the Vancouver Grizzlies leave us with quite possibly the ugliest t-shirt that's ever been produced...)

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

The Nod Goes to the Cowboys

I have never been more excited about the existence of Thursday night NFL games. I'm as giddy as Wade Phillips up there. For one, Cowboys vs. Packers is a fantastic game, featuring four of the most watchable guys in the NFL, with Brett Favre, Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, and Marion Barber.

And secondly, it'll be nice to actually think about football without having to think about the loss of Sean Taylor. I hope that's how it goes, anyway.

But yeah, I'm excited. And I'd love to be able to pick the Packers ... Brett Favre can find some holes in the Cowboys secondary, and the Pack should at least put up a fair amount of points. I'd also love to be able to pick against the Cowboys, because Wade Phillips is less confidence-inspiring on the sidelines than anyone else on planet earth. But I just can't do it.

(Also on Today's List: That Cable Company vs. NFL Network contest should also be a good one ... Moving the Redskins Thursday Nighter next week seems like the thing to do, but I doubt it will happen ... Stephon Marbury just isn't paying attention ... and one of these days, someone will figure out what it is that the Big Ten actually does well ...)

If you're a Redskins fan, I implore you to buy this thing ... mainly because it's an awesome old school Redskins t-shirt, and I don't want the bag of douche pictured to own it any longer.

Just looking at that guy makes me feel like punching him in the face. "Oh, look at me and my intentionally sloppy hair that I spent 45 minutes making look disheveled. And look at my t-shirt that's tight and faded, and I don't care about at all about football or the Redskins or anything other than patchouli oil and free-range chicken." I hope he chokes on his next vegan burger.

He's even described in the auction: "colin is 6'2", 165lbs of pure sexy beastishness. and he's single." You don't say.

The auction says the item is located in Los Angeles, but for some reason, you'll be forced to pay for it in British pounds. I didn't know that the Anglophile trend had gone so far as to adopt their currency.

There are only 7,500 of these babies in the world, so this will probably be one of the few chances you'll have in life to cement your place as one of the world's 7,500 people most likely to buy tacky football-related garbage. There are no bids on this beauty right now, and the price is just $15.98.

And I think it looks exactly like Jerry Rice ... if Jerry Rice was to eat nothing but poison ivy leaves for a month and a half and be stung simultaneously by 1400 venomous African killer bees. And I don't know if this is a procedure he had done specially for his Dancing With the Stars appearance, but his eyelids now appear to be made out of shards of glass.

From the auction:

This medal contains one troy ounce (31.1 grams, 480 grains) of .999 pure silver with a gem bright mirror and frosted finish in proof condition. Comes with certificate of authenticity in clear container and hinged black felt presentation case from the mint.

The black felt presentation case is key, because you know damn well that you'll want to show this thing off. If you get this, you have to treat it exactly like Jerry Rice would want you to, and keep it in the public eye at all times, at any cost of dignity or self-respect.

Alright, I hate to go with socks two days in a row here on Santa's Lead Blocker, but ... sometimes, socks are what's up. These weren't worn by an NFL player, but rather, by Britney Spears. Britney wore these while performing during the 2003 NFL kickoff show. Remember when Britney performed right before the Jets and Redskins were about to kick the season off on a Thursday night? This picture may jog your memory. Says the auction:

These socks were part of a large grouping of clothes selected by Britney and the NFL costumers to achieve the sporty, yet sexy look that the promoters were going for. Some outfits made the cut, some didn't, but regardless, all the costume pieces, were tried on and worn by Britney, the #1 Pop Diva over the past decade. Do not miss this rare opportunity to own the best!

Lest you think these socks aren't sexy, let me remind you that Britney wore these before her vagina was widely (no pun intended) featured on various websites across the internet, none of which I'm going to link to, you filthy pervert. It was also before she decided to add her name to the list of gutter trash skankbags that could possibly find something attractive in Kevin Federline.

The "estimated value" of the socks, the auction says, is $500 - $1000. I find this odd, since the current winning bid is $19.95. It also included a letter of authenticity from the "Hollywood Rock'n Country," and I think we are all well aware of their sterling reputation in the used whore footwear industry.

Here's something special for the one you love: something that an NFL wide receiver sweat into for about three hours on a warm Sunday afternoon. That's right, get your hands on these 1997-98 game-worn socks from former Jets wide receiver Dedric Ward.

Unfortunately, you aren't going to get the full effect of the funk. The socks have been "laundered and cleaned in accordance with Ebay policies." I think that's a messed-up policy. I mean, what kind of country are we living in when a man can't buy cotton that has absorbed Dedric Ward's sweat? What kind of draconian code of laws is this? I demand reform, and I demand Dedric Ward's stank-ass socks in my stocking, right now.

The auction also describes the socks as having seen "light game use" (it is, after all, Dedric Ward). It also says the socks were obtained from the Jets' assistant equipment manager in 1998, and ... man, that had to be a weird transaction.

"Say there, fella ... would those happen to be filthy sweat-stained Jets socks?"
"Yeah."
"Well, what are you doing with those beauties?"
"Uhhh ... nothing. Washing them."
"GIVE ME THOSE FILTHY SOCKS!"
"What? Why?"
"I don't know, man. Come on. I'll give you 20 bucks."
"Alright, fine. Just get the hell away from me, or I'm calling the police."

This Christmas season, you can own the very same wallet that Matt Millen carries. Have a look at this beautifully-crafted nylon Detroit Lions wallet, complete with the velcro closure. Most people stop carrying nylon wallets when they turn ten years old or so, but something about a nylon wallet featuring a Detroit Lions logo just makes a lot of sense.

I'm almost positive that Matt Millen carries this same wallet. In fact, this one might actually be Matt Millen's wallet. You'll be able to tell for sure if you open it up, and inside you find a plastic card reminding him how many servings he should eat a day from each food group, a membership card to the Joey Fatone fan club, and a wrinkled piece of paper on which he has scribbled his NFL draft philosophy, "DRAFT GUYS WHO RUN FAST AND HAVE NICE LOOKING TEETH."

The auction description reads, in part, "Your team wouldn't settle for second-best, why should you? Compliments Guaranteed!!" And both are true ... the Lions certainly wouldn't settle for second-best, they're more likely gunning for 31st or 32nd best. And I guess they're guaranteeing you'll get compliments on this wallet, which I think only applies if you hang out in Detroit-area preschools.