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The Debriefing: The Rockies are the Anti-Patriots

mjd — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 09:45:00 EST

Filed under: NFL Fans, MLB Fans, Top Five

The Debriefing is a column that runs every weekday at 9:00 a.m. here on FanHouse. It goes deep into one issue and then bounces around to a plethora of smaller ones ... and does it all in a way that will make you feel like the prettiest girl at the cotillion. Bookmark this page, and visit daily.

Currently, there are two fascinating teams in sports.

One is the New England Patriots, an angry group of individuals that's systematically destroying everyone on their schedule. They go into contests with the goal of humiliating their not-nearly-as-blessed opponents, and they revel in the fact that this frustrates the hell out of you. They are great, they know it, and they're going to remind you of it every chance they get. They don't like you.

The other captivating team is the Colorado Rockies, who are playing with, to quote the lovely Annie Savoy, "joy and verve and poetry." Just as the Patriots do, the Rockies play to win ... but not because it proves anything to anyone, but because they like each other, because it's fun, and because they appreciate the extraordinary circumstances in which they find themselves. They are uninterested in, and unable to, explain their own success. They're having too much fun for that.

And they exist in sports right now as a perfect antidote to the Patriots.

(Also at the bottom: Before we get to the bottom, I'd like to alert you to our 2nd effort of Postin' Up, a FanHouse Podcast. It's an all football edition, covering both college and NFL, answering the question of whether or not the Patriots are the new Yankees, and, as always, "Bigger Douche" ... Anyway, back to the bottom here ... Derek Jeter will pay for your parking if you let him park Little Derek for a while ... the Super Bowl is being outscourced ... and Jake Westbrook earns Yesterday's MVP...)

You know what's great about the Rockies? If any team over the last five years has had the right to dip into the the infinitely annoying "We wanted to prove all the haters wrong," well, it would be the them.

And oddly enough when a team does that, whether it's a conference championship or a league championship, it's usually a team that actually was expected to get there.

In recent years, the Red Sox did it, the White Sox did it, the Patriots did it, the Steelers did it, the Miami Heat did it, the Cleveland Cavaliers did it, the Detroit Pistons did it ... and I'm sure I'm leaving some teams that were much hated-on. I apologize to those teams, and invite them to please use that as more evidence of being hated-on.

The Rockies, though, if they wanted, could make a case. Check out ESPN's pre-season baseball predictions. It's an absolute, cold, hard fact that no one said the Rockies could do it. Eighteen experts picked the World Series participants, the division winners, and the wild cards in both leagues ... and the Rockies were not even mentioned.

Every other NL West team got at least one vote to win the division. Zero votes for the Rockies for the wild card, too. Hell, you couldn't find anyone who believed the Rockies would finish the season above .500.

These Rockies actually did prove everyone wrong, and they'd have every right to shove it in everyone's face. But they're not doing it. Said Matt Holliday after the game on ESPN Radio:

"[It's] just a lot of guys pullin' for each other, playin' as a team, a lot of guys contributing, and just a lot of fun ... It's amazing! I don't even know what to say. It's awesome. We're excited, and I thank the Lord that I have the opportunity to play with these guys."

Thank you, Matt Holliday. Thank you for not feeling disrespected. Thank you for just enjoying the ride. Thank you for not being that guy.

Maybe they'll board the "Let's prove everyone wrong" train as we approach the World Series, but they haven't yet. They, just like everyone else, seem confused and awed by what's happening.

They don't see themselves as overcoming any public slights, they see themselves as, "Holy hell, we're the Colorado freakin' Rockies, and we're in the World Series" ... a lot like you and I see them.

And the fact that they're sweeping teams only adds to their legend. If they had squeezed out a 3-2 series win over the Phillies, and went 7 games with the Diamondbacks, they would seem like a tough, scrappy team that's peaking at the right time and winning close games with pitching and defense. They would be explainable.

As things currently stand, though, in their unbeatable state ... magic is the only thing that explains it. Pure, fun, rabbit-out-of-a-hat, quarter-out-of-your-ear, yeah-but-where-did-the-lighter-fluid-come-from magic. Twenty-one wins out of their last twenty-two? That's not logical. It's magic.

This team spent a large portion of the season under .500. They went 12-1 over the last 13 games of the season to topple a Padres team that had a healthy lead, and by all reasonable expectations, should have kept it with a winning record over that same 13-game span.

But the Rockies, because of magic, forced a playoff ... and because of magic, tattooed the most prolific closer in the history of baseball to win it ... and because of magic (and, I grant you, a confused umpire), Matt Holliday was called safe at a home plate that he has still yet to touch.

From that point, it's been like they're sleepwalking. Completely unaware of what they're doing, but doing it ridiculously well ... playing almost beyond themselves. Playing far better than they could if they were actually awake. They glide along, they hit, they pitch, they play defense, and they win ... and they exude joy while doing it. Teams like this are rare.

The Patriots are the opposite of that. They wake up and decide that they want to make everyone in the world to be unhappy except themselves, because the world has been very mean to them. The Rockies' existence, in contrast with the stark, grim, morbid nature of the New England Patriots, is beautiful.

Going from a day of Patriots on Sunday to a day of the Rockies on Monday is like stepping off of death row in a rotting Kentucky prison, and into an open grassy meadow with fresh air, dandelions, a clear blue sky, and 37 young, beautiful Brazilian females in the midst of an anything-goes orgy.

It's difficult to envision too many scenarios where this ends well for that gentleman.

Baby Girl, Why Don't You Let Derek Jeter Cover the Parking ...

Derek Jeter will not only let you enjoy his beautiful hotel suite for a night after he makes tender and gentle love to you, but baby, when the sun comes up, and it's time for you to go ... don't you worry about the parking. Derek Jeter's going to take care of that, baby girl.

From the New York Post's always reliable and 100% accurate Page Six:

Our spy in the lobby of the Shore Club in Miami early Sunday morning spotted "two scantily clad women screaming at the front desk because they had spent the night at Jeter's penthouse and were then charged for parking."

"The girls were wearing what looked like the same clothes they wore the night before - a tight cocktail dress and a mini-skirt. They were making a huge scene because they were asked to pay for parking.

"Obviously, they'd spent the night there," giggled the onlooker, who noted that one of the overnight guests was screaming into the phone, "After last night, he'd better [bleep]ing take care of it!"

After a bit of insistence, "they eventually left happy. I assume he paid for their parking after all," said our snitch.

Smoove.

It's Official ... Anyone Can Talk Smack Now

In the coming days, I fully expect Tim Rattay to call Peyton Manning an interception machine, Norv Turner to call Bill Belichick a moron, and Mark Madsen to call Tim Duncan an unskilled oaf.

Because if Joey Porter can trash talk anyone, and if Syracuse coach Greg Robinson can trash talk Greg Schiano and Rutgers ... well, everything's in bounds, isn't it?

This is Going to make Travel Agents Happy ...

So, Roger Goodell mentioned yesterday that he'd certainly entertain the notion of the Super Bowl being played overseas ... in fact, he's not just entertaining the notion, he says he has a "great deal of interest" in it.

London -- specifically the new Wembley Stadium - was mentioned as a possible destination for the game. And if it doesn't make sense to you that the NFL would play an entire season, and suck billions of dollars out of fans in this country, and then take the biggest, most important, showcase game of the year in front of a country that's bored by the sport ... well, you just haven't been paying attention to how Super Bowls work.

The Super Bowl is the one game of the year that is not staged for NFL fans. It's staged for people who aren't NFL fans ... because the NFL would like to convert them into NFL fans. And for this reason, the NFL does everything they can, with musical acts and all sorts of other bells and whistles, to make the telecast appeal to people who otherwise wouldn't care.

And if these things happen to annoy you as someone who watches the NFL every single week ... well, Roger Goodell doesn't really care. He knows you're coming back.

For these reasons, this doesn't surprise me in the least ... I'd actually be more surprised if it didn't happen over the next 10 years.

Jake Westbrook. We've already spent some time singing the Rockies' praises, and Matt Holliday has an actual, tangible MVP trophy in his possession this morning ... let's not spoil him. Jake Westbrook deserves a hearty handshake and a pat on the back, too.

Even at 1-1 in the series, the Braves of the Cuyahoga ((C)Harry Doyle) hadn't really been able to get a handle on the Red Sox bats, despite throwing CC Sabathia and Fausto Carmona at them.

But Jake Westbrook had a nasty sinker going last night and gave up just 2 runs through 6 and 2/3rds. Maybe more importantly, he forced the Red Sox to ground into three double plays ... among them, one each for David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez.

Cleveland's bullpen held it down, too ... Jensen Lewis bailed out Westbrook when he finally tired and got in a jam, and then Rafael Betancourt and Joe Borowski each tossed 1-2-3 innings.

Bill Callahan. He didn't lose his job yesterday ... but he might as well have gotten a letter in the mail saying, "We're going to fire your ass at our earliest opportunity."

Nebraska's athletic director Steve Pederson took the fall instead, because, you know ... when the team loses 45-14 to an average Oklahoma State team, it's probably because of something the athletic director did that morning.

Anyway, someone at Nebraska was really pissed off after two consecutive blowout losses, and they wanted to fire someone. I guess they didn't see the point in dropping an axe on Callahan's neck 7 games into the season, so the AD took the bullet instead.

But Callahan is a dead man walking ... I don't think there's any question about that. What happened yesterday sends a pretty clear message ... "We hate what's going on around here, and that means we hate you." But it's no big deal ... a year from now, Al Davis will probably fire Lane Kiffin and bring Callahan back.

By the way, the suggestion of hiring Navy's Paul Johnson as a replacement? I love that idea.

Deserving Of Your Full Attention ...

8:00, FOX. MLB Playoffs. Boston Red Sox @ Cleveland Indians. Paul Byrd vs. Tim Wakefield.

Other Stuff ...

7:00, VS. NHL. Thrashers @ Flyers.
8:00, NFL Network. NFL Replay. Vikings vs. Bears.
8:00, ESPN2. NFL's Greatest Games. 1992: The Comeback - Oilers @ Bills.
9:30, ESPN2. NFL's Greatest Games. 1998 NFC Championship: Atlanta Falcons at Minnesota Vikings.
10:30, NFL Network. NFL Replay. Redskins vs. Packers.

The Debriefing: The Rockies are the Anti-Patriots originally appeared on NFL FanHouse on Tue, 16 Oct 2007 09:45:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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Sports Teams Can Never Make Too Much Money From Tickets

Tom Mantzouranis — Mon, 21 May 2007 11:46:00 EST

Filed under: Rams, NFC West, NFL Fans, Cardinals, Giants, NL Central, NL West, MLB Fans, San Francisco, St. Louis

A few weeks ago, as I purchased tickets to the Saints/Rams game in New Orleans this November on StubHub, I wondered how teams could sit idly back knowing people were re-selling their tickets for gross profit on the Internet (for the record, I paid $70 apiece and a limb for $35 tickets). Historically, there's never been a profit a sports team hasn't liked, and if they could find a way to make extra money on something like ticket sales, why not?

Little did I know that the wheels have already been set in motion. If you live in St. Louis, take solace in knowing that, at the very least, the Rams and Cardinals will be making money twice on ticket sales. Each team will be offering a re-sell option for ticket holders who can't use their tickets. After you pay the team for your tickets, you can bring the tickets back to them, where they'll sell them to someone else for whatever price you set. They take a "convenience" commission. You keep the profits. It's like Flip This House, but you don't have to think about pastel-themed dining rooms or what tile to use in the master bath.

This is being made possible by the repeal on scalping in Missouri, although scalping in front of stadiums (or as I like to call it, the black market without all the fun of drugs or prostitution) will still be a no-no -- this is an Internet-only venture. The San Francisco Giants, in a move that contradicts the city's decidedly bohemian (read: dirty hippy) ethos, have already been using a system like this.

I'm really trying to find a reason to be indignant about this, but I can't come up with anything good. The system is literally identical to StubHub, a service I use fairly often. If someone is willing to pay more than face value for an event, that's their right. The seller sets their price for a good, the buyer decides whether or not to pay it, and the middleman takes a piece for the trouble. Let's hear it for the free market!

Still, I feel dirty knowing that teams are profitting twice on ticket sales. Something about it just doesn't seem right. Any anarchists out there care to conjure up some reason for me to want to rebel against the system for this?

Sports Teams Can Never Make Too Much Money From Tickets originally appeared on NFL FanHouse on Mon, 21 May 2007 11:46:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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The Dangers of Heckling

mjd — Tue, 08 May 2007 23:38:00 EST

Filed under: NFL Fans, NBA Fans, MLB Fans, Soccer, NHL Fans

Not everyone is as clever or expressive as Vernon Wells. SLAM! Sports goes through a list today of the greatest fan/athlete altercations of all time. Most are pretty recent, but they dig back into the archives, too. It goes from Michael Ray Richardson and his "big-time" Jew lawyers, all the way back to Ty Cobb in 1912.

Some of them don't even count as altercations. Jake Plummer giving the finger to fans, and Davis Love III crying like a little girl. Some are tragic, like Monica Seles getting knifed, and some are sort of bizarrely sad, like the idiot Ligue family attacking a first-base coach. Some, like soccer player Eric Cantona's dropkick of a fan lead to bizarre quotes that I don't even understand.

"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."

I don't have any idea what that means. Really. None. Anyway, here are my two favorites, both of which I'd never heard of before today:

During an on-ice scuffle between the Rangers and Bruins at Madison Square Garden, Boston's Stan Jonathan was sliced open by an object thrown from the stands while Terry O'Reilly was being menaced by a stick-wielding fan. Bruins players climbed into the stands and began scuffling with fans. Mike Milbury actually removed a fan's shoe and beat him with it.

Ty Cobb makes Ron Artest look like a peace activist. In 1912, Cobb waded into the stands to pummel, spike and boot a heckler. "Don't kick him!" fans cried. "He has no hands!" The victim had lost all but two fingers in an industrial accident. "I don't care if he has no feet," snarled Cobb when informed of a suspension.

If either of his remaining fingers was the middle one, I doubt he'd ever show it to Ty Cobb again.

The Dangers of Heckling originally appeared on NFL FanHouse on Tue, 08 May 2007 23:38:00 EST . Please see our terms for use of feeds.

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