Here's the deal: Upper Deck got a bunch of NFL rookies together and offered up a free autographed Michael Jordan jersey to the guy with the best touchdown celebration. Random, sure. But also worth the four minutes you would otherwise spend staring at an Excel spreadsheet while thinking about taking a smoke break.
First, glad to see one of the Fantasy Sports Girls getting some work. Second, a quick recap of the highlights (in order of appearance and with made-up grades!):
Mark Sanchez: D-. I'm shocked he can dunk, but, yeah, NFL players have been doing that for two decades now.
Matt Stafford: B+. I would've given him an A, but I didn't know what the hell he was doing until Brinson, explosives expert, explained -- setting off dynamite. Also acceptable: "redneck fishing."
Mohamed Massaquoi: C. I'm glad he knows how to do the worm but this is 2009. Gonna need a little more complexity than that to score with the judges. I mean, he couldn't even muster a windmill?
Nate Davis: C+. When in doubt, start poppin'.
Ramses Barden: A-. Because the Running Man always wins.
Knowshon Moreno: A. Here's your winner, folks. He had an A+ right up until he put on Stafford's jersey. That's just asking for an asteroid to fall out of the sky and crush you.
Andre Brown: D. It was funnier the first 10 times I saw it. To be fair, Brown went to NC State. He would have tried harder if the winner got a Tom Gugliotta jersey.
Aaron Curry: D-. Taking a nap is original but I don't think it constitutes dancing.
Shonn Greene: B. Not sure if he was going for it, but Greene's homage to George Jefferson was spot-on.
Darrius Heyward-Bey: D-. Sigh. I'm beginning to think that people aren't taking this seriously.
Tyson Jackson: B. Subtle, poignant, brilliant.
Stephen McGee: A. First runner-up. Because white dudes doing the robot is always funny.
Jason Smith: B-. The NFL needs more Fred Sanford tributes. And Prime Time touchdown celebrations. At least I think that's what that was.
In case you're wondering: Upper Deck agrees with me -- Knowshon was the best. Also worth mentioning: Roger Goodell caught wind of this and immediately fined everybody $15,000. Then the perps were forced to make a public service announcement on the perils of dancing.
via Shutdown Corner
