The Once-Over: Week 17

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

St. Louis (2-13) at Atlanta (10-5): If Atlanta takes care of business here, they could be facing the Arizona Cardinals at home in their first playoff game. Could a scenario get any better for a rookie quarterback? Hey Matt Ryan, I know it is the playoffs and all, but this is one of the worst sports franchises in the history of football. Also, they've won just one game since Veterans Day.

If this shakes out, Ryan might be the most blessed kid since the one Mary conceived.

Pick: Atlanta

New England (10-5) at Buffalo (7-8): The Pats need a little help, but they have no shot at the playoffs if they can't knock off Trent Edwards' gang. Personally, this might be one of the more important games of the day for the bottom-dwellers thinking of 2009. If Matt Cassel comes out and produces on the road in a must-win, he's legit. If he comes out and falls flat on his face, he might be just another talented quarterback that is missing the "it" factor that Tom Brady and Peyton Manning seem to carry around.

I also think if Cassel can win this game and take the Pats to the playoffs, he should land top-3 in the MVP voting. Seriously. The guy was left for dead and might have New England at 11-5 come Sunday afternoon.

Pick: New England

Kansas City (2-13) at Cincinnati (3-11-1): Just for fun, I looked up players with more receiving yards this season than Chad Johnson. Here are some of the names: Matt Jones, Devin Hester, Josh Reed and the Giants' Steve Smith. Pretty dominating list there, Chad. I guess it's fair to say, 2008 for the Bengals was Ocho Stinko.

Pick: Kansas City

Detroit (0-15) at Green Bay (5-10): Our own Bruce Ciskie, who makes me chuckle more than a good tickle fight, wrote a solid Christmas Eve story about who will have more motivation this weekend, Green Bay or Detroit? I almost want to turn that around and say who gets grilled more in a loss, the Packers or the Lions? Basically Detroit will be doing everything short of breaking up a perfect game with a bunt, so Green Bay will have to be on their game. Hard thing to tell a squad that has won just one game since Oct. 20.

Pick: Green Bay

Chicago (9-6) at Houston (7-8): Here is a question: If you were a team needing a win to make the playoffs, would you rather face a Giants team that has locked up the top seed in the NFC, or a Texans team that has won four of their last five games? I think I'd take my chances with the Giants. The Bears must win and the Vikings must lose for Kyle Orton to make the playoffs. If you guys know Matt Snyder, who is our fantasy and Chicago expert, he might be watching this game in some sort of bomb shelter with one of those World War II helmets on. A loss here and I could totally see him walking aimlessly around his house with that "Tom Hanks at the end of Saving Private Ryan" look.

Pick: Chicago

Tennessee (13-2) at Indianapolis (11-4): This would be an amazing Week 17 game if it actually meant something. The Titans locked up the top seed in the AFC and the Colts are in at five, so basically we get to see who looks better under "pressure" -- Jim Sorgi or Vince Young. I'm going with Vince, just because he is so upset about the Invinceable t-shirts. You want to prove yourself, V.Y.? Here is your opportunity, against Sorgi and his career 90.4 passer rating. Also, is there a better job than Sorgi's in the world? The guy makes $760,000 a year to basically pat Peyton on the butt. Not a bad gig if you can get it.

Pick: Indianapolis

NY Giants (12-3) at Minnesota (9-6): After the game last week against Carolina, I think the Giants can honestly say they are just as fine without having Brandon Jacobs 100 percent. Yeah, the guy is a power back that can run people over like a Hummer in a soap box derby, but Derrick Ward is a fine replacement behind Eli Manning. I think the Giants win this game. I don't want to believe it, because I'd love to see Adrian Peterson in the playoffs (Even if he faces my team), but Tom Coughlin doesn't like taking games off because the momentum is lost. Another reason to watch this game is the obvious Mittens cameo.

Pick: NY Giants

Carolina (11-4) at New Orleans (8-7): Two things I'd love to see in this game: DeAngelo Williams score two or more touchdowns to make an honest push for the MVP, and Drew Brees throw for 402 yards to finish with 5,085, one more yard than Dan Marino in 1984. I don't ask for a lot, but if Santa could bring this (or that group of people he is with in the above picture), I'd be thrilled.

Pick: New Orleans

Cleveland (4-11) at Pittsburgh (11-4): This is a pretty great story: Romeo Crennel is worried he's going to get smoked by the Steelers this weekend. I wonder why he would think this; Ken Dorsey is behind center, and in his three games as starter this season, he has averaged a passer rating of 26.5. Paint me confused.

Pick: Pittsburgh

Oakland (4-11) at Tampa Bay (9-6): I guarantee no Raiders fan will be rooting any harder than the Eagles will when this game kicks off. If Oakland pulls the upset, and the Eagles can beat Dallas, with Minnesota losing to the Giants, Donovan McNabb and company would make the postseason. And keep their jobs. What does Tampa Bay need here after they beat the Raiders? Just a win and a Dallas loss. Not too much to ask.

Pick: Tampa Bay

The 4s

Jacksonville (5-10) at Baltimore (10-5): All Joe Flacco needs is a win here and they're in. On a side note, how sad is it that both Flacco and John Harbaugh are going to miss out on Rookie of the Year and Coach of the Year just because of the Falcons? I think Flacco gets more votes than Matt Forte, so basically any award the Ravens would have won can be narrowed down to Atlanta signing Matt Ryan.

Pick: Baltimore

Miami (10-5) at NY Jets (9-6): Here is how the AFC East shakes out. New England needs a Jets win here and a victory of their own over the Bills to make it another week. All the Dolphins need is a win against Brett Favre's crippling body to move on, and the Jets need a victory and a Buffalo win to put No. 4 in the playoffs one more season. Sigh. Got it? Basically, if Chad Pennington wins here I'd say he is top two in MVP voting. The guy is the second-highest rated quarterback this season (and highest with a winning record), and has helped take the Dolphins from worst to, well, near first. I think it would be poetic justice if Chad went for three touchdowns while Eric Mangini stood on the sidelines wondering what college team he will be assisting next season.

Pick: Miami

Dallas (9-6) at Philadelphia (8-6-1): My family is calling this the Chokers Bowl, and rightfully so. Tony Romo has never really showed that "step up" ability and most of Texas knows it. The good news is the Cowboys are playing McNabb, who doesn't exactly have the words "clutch" tattooed on his right arm. I think with a game like this, with two evenly matched teams, you have to go with the home team because it will be insane in Philly. If Dallas can pull it out, they'd be scary in the playoffs, but I just don't see it. It pains me, but I think the Cowboys' "Hills" episode ends on Sunday.

Pick: Philadelphia

Seattle (4-11) at Arizona (8-7): If the NFL season was 11 weeks long, I'd love the Cardinals in the playoffs.

Pick: Seattle

Washington (8-7) at San Francisco (6-9): If you are watching this game, you are a better NFL fan than I. Call me crazy, but I think the 49ers are the 2009 sleeper, if only they could land a decent quarterback. By the way, I've been doing this line, at the 1:02 mark here, for the last few weeks, only with Mike Singletary's name instead of Michael Bolton. Yes, I have no friends.

Pick: San Francisco

SNF

Denver (8-7) at San Diego (7-8): It is the Mediocrity Bowl, and we will be there to live blog the whole thing. Here is the scenario I'm hoping for. The Broncos and Chargers tie, but instead of going to overtime Jay Cutler and Philip Rivers have to arm wrestle to see who makes the playoffs. It might not be logical, but it sure would be fun.

Pick: San Diego