The Once-Over: Week 14

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

Minnesota (7-5) at Detroit (0-12): I'm a huge fan of the "Well, if the Lions are going to win, this is the game to do it" theory. But they're going to stop Adrian Peterson? Really? Sure, it might be their best shot to win, but how does AP not go for 200 yards and three touchdowns in this game?

Also, I'd like to bring up this point we FanHousers discussed the other day. If you had to start your team around one player, who would it be? I initially thought Peterson until I realized that, as good as he is, running backs can go down with any injury (see Tomlinson, LaDainian) and never be the same. I heard a few names go around, like Justin Tuck and Albert Haynesworth. I really believe I'd go with either Matt Ryan or Mario Williams. You'd never go receiver because there are too many out there (unless you were Matt Millen). You want a young defensive player, like Williams, or a quarterback that can win, like Ryan. What are your thoughts?

Pick: Minnesota

Jacksonville (4-8) at Chicago (6-6): In last Monday's epic failure of a Monday Night game, the audience found out that David Garrard's 2008 goal was to throw less than 10 interceptions. Maybe, just maybe, the goal should have been to win more than four games. Just saying ...

Pick: Chicago

Houston (5-7) at Green Bay (5-7): I will admit, I do still listen to Bill Simmons on his Podcast and actually enjoy it. I think Simmons knows the NFL pretty well and picks the lines like someone who follows sports (and gambling) very closely. That said, what in the world was with his Green Bay rant this weekend? "One of the best 5-7 teams ever?" Really? I mean, Aaron Rodgers has been good but not great. Ryan Grant has killed more fantasy teams than Tom Brady (Honestly, I just looked ... Grant is in the starting lineup of just 67 percent of fantasy owners). Their defense isn't very good. I guess I'm not really seeing the awesomeness of this squad. Seriously, call me crazy, but I think Houston is a better 5-7 team than the Pack. Think about it. If Matt Schaub is healthy this whole season, are they 7-5 without really a lot changing? They probably win the Rosenchappa game and maybe one more on the road. Steve Slaton has been a breath of fresh air for the Texans and they have arguably the best wideout in the AFC, if not the NFL. Oh, and that Owen Daniels character ... go ahead and tick him in as the starting tight end for my 2009 fantasy team.

Pick: Houston

Cincinnati (1-10-1) at Indianapolis (8-4): Peyton Manning had 125 yards, no touchdowns, and two interceptions last week against the Browns. Lets hope he can improve on that against the Bearcats.

Pick: Indianapolis

Atlanta (8-4) at New Orleans (6-6): Am I crazy to think that this could be a matchup of the two best quarterbacks in the league right now? Matt Ryan gets to take his rookie show on the road while Drew Brees will get a rare chance to sleep in his own bed in New Orleans. If you haven't been following our little Marino Watch as of late, keep up, because Brees is well on his way to breaking the Ace Ventura co-star's record.

Pick: Atlanta

Philadelphia (6-5-1) at NY Giants (11-1): Remember back in Week 2 when the Eagles lost to the Cowboys on Monday Night and everyone was raving about how "the Eagles lost, but were impressive?" Yeah, that was stupid. It is easy to forget the main word in that sentence -- "lost."

Oh, and imagine a year ago, if I told you this -- "Alright, so the Giants, with Eli Manning at quarterback, are not only going to run through the NFC, beating the Cowboys, on way to the Super Bowl, but they're going to upset the Patriots and their run to an undefeated championship season. Not only that, but they are also going to become the most dominant NFC team since Troy Aikman was on the field and not in the announcing booth."

If I said all of that, how fast would it take for the men in the white coats to come out of the bushes and drape me in a straight-jacket? Six seconds? A minute?

Pick: NY Giants

Cleveland (4-8) at Tennessee (11-1): Dear Chris Johnson,

I know I've had a hard time finding a place for you in my fantasy football lineup. It has been tough, with Peterson and Michael Turner as my starters. I decided to flex you this week over another rookie, Slaton, just because you deserve the respect. Would you mind carrying the ball more than 14 times?

Thank you and God Bless,
Shane Bacon

Pick: Chris Johnson

The 4s

Miami (7-5) at Buffalo (6-6): The Dolphins play the airplane-crashing Bills, the 49ers and the Chiefs over the next three weeks. Yep, Miami is making the playoffs, and Bill Parcells is a freaking genius.

Pick: Miami

Kansas City (2-10) at Denver (7-5): I read an interesting stat this week. The Chiefs haven't won in Denver since 1816. Honestly, that is a long time. I'd say this might be the year for it to change, but I just remembered it is the Chiefs, who probably lose to Oakland last week if the Raiders don't try to run the fake field goal with a guy that got kicked off "The Biggest Loser."

Also, nice game last week by Jay Cutler against Brett Favre and the Jets. I mean, he has been up and down all season, and will probably continue that trend his entire career since he is (cringes) a gunslinger, but it is nice to see a son finally take down his dad on the football field. You just don't see that enough anymore.

Pick: Denver

NY Jets (8-4) San Francisco (4-8): Speaking of Cutler's dad, I'm absolutely terrified of this thought. Brett Favre closes the season with the 49ers, Bills, Seahawks and Dolphins. That means they should go 3-1 by basically making the correct plane reservations; as long as Favre stops the whole "throwing across your body while on your back foot when you're 39 years of age" thing, he could easily average something like 270 yards, three touchdowns, and one interception in these games. That would give him 32 touchdowns for the season and the MVP talk would be louder than sitting next to three jackhammers at a rave while chatting with the Fox NFL pregame guys. I am terrified of this scenario. So many voters have love for Favre and none of them really think a rookie like Ryan or a guy on a losing team like Brees deserve it over him.

In related news, the MVP voters walked uphill to school both ways in the snow.

Pick: NY Jets

New England (7-5) at Seattle (2-10): Any chance Matt Cassel returns to New England next season and pulls a "Michael Turner on LaDainian"? After last week, I'm going with no.

Pick: New England

St. Louis (2-10) at Arizona (7-5): And so it begins. If the Cardinals win this game they clinch the division, hard as it might seem to some (Will Leitch, I'm looking at you). Living in the Scottsdale-Phoenix area, it is interesting to hear the chatter change from two weeks ago after the Cards got stomped by the Giants and Eagles. Two weeks ago Kurt Warner was the MVP without a doubt, the Cardinals were going to the Super Bowl and tickets were harder to come by than a VIP table at PCL. Now? People have basically coined this team "just another Cardinals team with a weaker division." Saddest part? I agree with them. It doesn't seem like, as of now, Arizona could take down any of the NFC teams that might make the playoffs. Lucky for them they have the Rams and Seahawks in two of their final four games.

Pick: Arizona

Dallas (8-4) at Pittsburgh (9-3): The game of the week on so many levels. After the Steelers wrecked the Patriots last week conversation again fired up about how good Pittsburgh really is. That said, if Wade Philips has any motivational skills at all (which, he does not), he has to have the guys knowing that this is a must-win game for the Cowboys.

I think Dallas takes it. I see Tony Romo throwing the ball a lot and finding his 46 different options in the secondary. I think the Steelers are due for a down game. I also think the Cowboys make the playoffs this season and for that to happen, this is a must-win. Also, I like when Steelers fans yell.

Pick: Dallas

SNF

Washington (7-5) at Baltimore (8-4): I will be live-blogging this game here at the FanHouse so I refuse to talk about it until that moment comes. Stop by and bring your kids!!!

Pick: Baltimore

MNF

Tampa Bay (9-3) at Carolina (9-3): Hey guys, you figured it out!!! Have two teams that don't suck play the biggest game of the week!

As a side note, is there any chance Tony Kornheiser comes back next year to Monday Night Football? I mean, the guy is solid on PTI, but as my friend who loves Tony K said this week, "I'm even starting to hate the guy because of this football stuff." He is that bad. I just think some things aren't meant to mesh. Like Tony K and live broadcasting. Or bloggers and getting laid.

Pick: Carolina