The Once-Over: Week 11

With attention spans dwindling, we forego full game-by-game previews to give you the essentials you need to know about every contest this glorious NFL weekend. Click here to go back in time.

The 1s

Denver (5-4) at Atlanta (6-3): It isn't a coincidence that the two breakout teams this season have a ton of similarities, mostly with quarterback. In the five wins for Denver, Jay Cutler has had passer ratings of 93.3, 96.1, 107.9, 109.6 and 137.5. In the Falcons' six wins, Matt Ryan has racked up ratings of 94.1, 116.1, 120.6, 134, 137, and 138.4. On the flip side, in all seven of the combined losses with these two, neither quarterback had a rating higher than 77.8. Why did I clutter your screen with all these numbers? To tell you that for either of these teams to win, their young passer has to have a great game. I'm picking the Falcons because it is a lot easier to free up the air attack with Michael Turner as your running back compared to a dude that enjoys stealing luggage.

Pick: Atlanta

Houston (3-6) at Indianapolis (5-4): The Texans catch less breaks than Greg Oden. First, Hurricane Ike didn't allow the Texans to host a game until the fifth week of the season, which doesn't bode well for a team that can't travel. Then came the Sage Rosenfels disaster game against the Colts, in which he did everything but hand the ball off to Tony Dungy at one point and then run the other way like he was being attacked by bees. Now, they are catching these same Colts on a little bit of a run after Houston lost to Joe Flacco. On top of that, our resident Texans fan got rear-ended after that Ravens loss. The only thing that would be worse is if the Texans had decided to name the new stadium "Lehman Brothers Field." So, they've that going for them.

Pick: Indianapolis

Oakland (2-7) at Miami (5-4): You know when it sunk in to me that the Dolphins might actually have a chance to be something this year? When people were asking who to start in a fantasy league this week, Ben Roethlisberger or Chad Pennington. The great part about it is most experts picked Pennington. Honestly, who wouldn't? Also, I was at the gym the other day running on the treadmill next to a girl in a Raiders shirt and Raiders shorts. At what point do you quit sporting your team's gear? When they never make good decisions and are being run by a guy that would make Satan himself move his wallet from his back pocket to the front? At least Tom Cable is calling the offensive shots now. That should end well.

Pick: Miami

Baltimore (6-3) at NY Giants (8-1): If there were such things as let-down games in the NFL, this would be the equivalent of Texas Tech traveling to Norman, Oklahoma next week to take on the Sooners. You get to a point where you are tops in your collective league and just overlook a team you should beat. Well, this isn't college football and Brandon Jacobs is pretty darn good. Also, I'm nominating Jacobs as "new player that gets so much praise from experts and broadcasters that you half-expect him to be named to Barack Obama's cabinet." I heard someone say last week about Jacobs -- "even when he's tackled he falls forward for a four-yard gain." Yep, and this column just won a Pulitzer.

Pick: NY Giants

Detroit (0-9) at Carolina (7-2): I know this point has been beaten to the ground, but the Lions have two games they could potentially win (and I hope you all understand I think they have zero chance at both). They could win in three weeks against Minnesota (because Gus Frerotte is still their quarterback) or the final week against Green Bay (because you never know what you're getting with the Packers). That is it. No chance the Lions win any of those other games. In the great power rankings compiled by MDS, the Lions have to face the second, fifth, ninth and 12th best teams in the league over the next five weeks. Daunte Culpepper, was that couch not comfortable enough for you or something?

Pick: Carolina

Philadelphia (5-4) at Cincinnati (1-8): I have to say, if you missed the NFL Network interview with Chad Johnson last night (which I'm assuming a lot of you did), I feel bad for you. Asked a few softball questions, Ocho Cinco seemed to keep his composure until Deion Sanders dogged him for being reserved. Johnson then said something to this effect (and I'm paraphrasing) -- "Here is what everyone out there needs to know. If you're a football player, the only position that you can dictate in the entire game is the quarterback. If you're not the quarterback, you have no control over anything, no matter your talent. A quarterback has his stats in his hand, while I'm just running around with freaking Ryan Fitzpatrick behind center who looks about as comfortable as a father and daughter watching an episode of True Blood together." (Okay, he didn't say the last line, but should have. I couldn't agree with Johnson more. If you have a terrible quarterback, which is the case in a lot of situations this season, you could be Johnny Freaking Touchdown and not be able to find the end zone.)

Pick: Philadelphia

Chicago (5-4) at Green Bay (4-5): So, is Kyle Orton playing, because, if not, I'm picking the Packers. That's about all I have to say about that one.

Pick: Green Bay (unless Orton plays, then Bears)

New Orleans (4-5) at Kansas City (1-8): First, I would just like to thank the Sportscenter commercial writer for going with "narrow" over "tight" or "skinny" in the Drew Brees commercial. While we don't see Brees in a lot of spots, he nailed that, and it made me think he's ready for a possible Saturday Night Live cameo after he wins the MVP this season.

Also, I thought it was cute that the Chiefs went for two with what appeared to be a competent Tyler Thigpen, only to have him roll to his right and throw a pass into an area of the end zone more crowded than Normandy Beach. You guys keep gushing over Thigpen and I will keep reminding you that, against the Raiders and the Falcons, his combined passer rating was less than 78.

Pick: New Orleans

Minnesota (5-4) at Tampa Bay (6-3): I remember when Larry Johnson (obviously pre-spit) was a top back in the league and people were worried he was getting too many carries and the Chiefs would run him on empty for the last three or four games, possibly wearing his body out of the league. Ummm, hello everyone, Adrian Peterson? The guy is leading the league in yards, yes, but also in rushes, and that's after splitting carries with Chester Taylor. I mean, I understand giving the ball to the best offensive player in the league, but the Vikings aren't winning anything this year. Maybe on a few of these "slam the running back into the guard for a gain of two" plays, give the ball to Chester. I have Peterson on my fantasy team and I won't even be mad. Oh, and the Bucs have the fifth-best passing defense in the league. Hey Gus, get ready for a long afternoon!

Pick: Tampa Bay

The 4s

St. Louis (2-7) at San Francisco (2-7): If you are planning on watching this football game I have nothing more to say to you. (Also, could this be the least relevant fantasy game ever? I mean, Frank Gore is the only player anyone cares about in this game, right? I just hope nobody is planning on keeping this game on for fantasy reasons. That would probably mean your team is as good as these two are in regular football. From us at FanHouse to you -- we're sorry for your loss.)

Pick: The Terrorists

Arizona (6-3) at Seattle (2-7): You know the best part about moving back to Arizona? Hearing all my friends that have never once brought up the Cardinals in conversation saying things like, "See, I told you we'd come around." No. You. Did. Not. They haven't done anything yet and they nearly lost a game to a 49ers squad that was just made fun of for being in the least relevant fantasy football game of all time (see above). This is another crummy division game Arizona should smoke in, but I think it is worth noting that the Cards have yet to beat a team with a record better than 5-4 (Cowboys, Bills and Dolphins). Their other three wins are all in the division, which is like Hugh Hefner saying he has game because he picked up a girl at the Playboy Mansion. Nope buddy, you're just Hugh Hefner. Stuff like that happens to you there.

Pick: Cardinals

Tennessee (9-0) at Jacksonville (4-5): I made this point two days ago and then read Simmons yesterday and realized he made the same point but a day earlier (published, that is) so I don't want to sound like a copycat. Yes, the Titans are great, but their running game took a digger last week against the Bears and they would have lost if not for Rex Grossman being told by his father to play quarterback years ago. I still love Tennessee to finish 14-2 but hate them in the playoffs now if they face a good coach who knows to stack the line and bring nasty blitzes at Kerry Collins all afternoon long. I mean, if Lovie Smith realized this, I'm fairly certain Tony Dungy and the new-look Colts can take advantage.

Pick: Tennessee

San Diego (4-5) at Pittsburgh (6-3): It's funny that Big Ben and LaDainian Tomlinson are facing off in a contest against teams we all thought would be better, but they're not because both players have reached about 4.3 percent of their potential this season. Hey LaDainian, just one 60-yard gamebreaker please? I don't ask for a lot, buddy.

Pick: San Diego

SNF

Dallas (5-4) at Washington (6-3): So, Tony Romo is playing this week, which should be good for the 14 Cowboys fans in Arlington, Texas still hopeful about this team. Honestly, I have never, EVER heard my Texas friends so down on something in their entire life. Honestly, George W. Bush could decide that as his final Presidential duty he was going to blow up Austin because "there are too many of those people there" and I think Texans as a whole would be less depressed. The thing is, Romo is coming off an injury he obviously couldn't play through and going all in with a team that is basically a 10-8 off-suit. That said, I will never count out a guy that convinced Jessica Simpson to date him while wearing the same Masters hat for 26 months in a row. Also, the Redskins quarterback is still Jason Campbell and Clinton Portis will most likely not play. Hummm, interesting.

Pick: Dallas

MNF

Cleveland (3-6) at Buffalo (5-4): You know, before the season, I bet this matchup looked a lot more appealing for the Monday Night Football people. Actually, on second thought, nope, never mind, no way in hell they thought this was going to be some marquee football game. Good news for the MNF chatters that regularly check in -- I am guaranteeing this week will have the most Tony Kornheiser polls in the history of our chats. Mark my words.

Pick: Cleveland