FanHouse NFL Season Preview: Kansas City Chiefs - Dreaming to Be Mediocre

Training camps are underway, the NFL season is right around the corner, and to get you ready for 2008, FanHouse previews all 32 teams, "heat index" style. We'll rate each club in 10 categories on a scale of 1 to 10, high score wins.

Quarterbacks: Oh, holy God. Do we have to start here? Can't we start at defensive line? Or even offensive line? No? Okay. So last season, Damon Huard was such the pinnacle of mediocrity, he may have redefined the word for decades. It wasn't so much that Huard was spectacularly terrible, throwing constant interceptions as he heaved them down the field, Rex-Grossman-style, it was that he looked singularly incapable of actually getting the ball downfield to begin with. So, after far too many games watching the offense set new franchise lows, Brodie Croyle who had been waiting in the wings, finally took the reins. The results were less than spectacular. Chiefs fans support Croyle because the kid has shown flashes of leadership and a pretty solid arm. The trouble is, the protection was so bad last year, no one knows whether to pin the offense's disastrous play on an inability by Brodie to produce, or a result of the fact that Croyle spent so much time on the run it's a wonder he's not dead in the cold, cold ground. So with a retooled and slightly upgraded offensive line, he should be better? Right? Right? Oh, Jesus, where's the bottle? Wait, what? Huard's still on the team? Must get bigger bottle. Heat Index: 2

Running back: Oh, to be young, marketable, and friends with Jay-Z. Larry Johnson didn't really have a great season last year. First he held out for the majority of camp. Upon returning, he found himself stuck behind an O-Line that couldn't make a hole in the plot of an episode of LOST. He ended up doing things like spiking the ball out of anger in the redzone, knocking his team back into a field goal, which of course they would then miss. Then, after trying to carry the entire load for the anemic offense, he got injured. The good news? He threw an awesome birthday party. LJ's come back refreshed this season, and looks determined to silence everyone that's cast him aside. The offensive line will be better, and that may be enough to spring LJ back to dominance. But if he gets frustrated behind the line again, no one really knows how he'll react. Behind him, Kolby Smith is a slasher back that actually has looked impressive in spurts, and rookie Jamaal Charles is behind those two. Running back is a definite strength for the Chiefs, which is good, because Herm Edwards will undoubtedly run as much as possible before punting for field position. Heat Index: 7

Wide Receiver: Welcome to the show! Dwayne Bowe proved last season that if the Chiefs can find someone to actually get him the ball, he can be the number one threat they've been looking for for years. He's got good hands, tremendous focus, good breakout speed, and a superstar attitude. Bowe is a special talent and the coaching staff needs to get him the ball early and often, both to help the offense actually put some points on the board and keep the stud happy in the red and white. After Bowe, however, it's time for everyone's favorite game: "Who Wants To Be A Surprisingly Capable Receiver?!" Devard Darling, Will Franklin, Jeff Webb, Maurice Price, and Bobby Sippio are all trying to sort out who's going to be no.2 behind Bowe. Tony Gonzalez returns again because he's too nice to ditch KC to go chase a ring... yet. You know it's bad when a fanbase that worships their tight end as a god say "We should probably trade him so he can go play for a contender." We should just nickname him "Mercy Rule." Gonzalez is still one of the best in the business, and never fails to turn in an exemplary performance. Even with Damon Huard and Brodie Croyle at quarterback. Heat Index: 5

Offensive Line: Or as I like to call them "He (the Quarterback) Hate Us." This group was abysmal last season. The good news is they should only be mediocre this season. Yay for being slightly below average instead of eye-gougingly bad! Stud Brandon Albert started off his season with an injury, further proving that God hates the Chiefs, but he should return to boost the O-Line just with sheer power and athleticism. Brian Waters is still Brian Waters enough to be the anchor on the line. Rudy Niswanger is in at center, with Adrian Jones and wait-and-see Damion McIntosh finishing it out. Last year's line was so bad it was shocking, and it was evident that no one on the team or coaching staff was prepared for it. They should be improved, but not enough to avoid being at a disadvantage in the vast majority of their games. Hope Croyle's been working on that rollout. Heat Index: 3

Defensive Line: Ah, and here's where things become less vomitous. Some would think losing Jared Allen would be a huge blow, and to be certain, the Chiefs will miss the drunken swerving and fierce pressure that Allen provides. But this is one position where the Chiefs have been stockpiling talent, and while lacking an individual star, this may be a better unit overall than it was last year. Rookie Glenn Dorsey has also been nursing an injury (seriously, God, we're sorry, please lay off), but should return to make a significant impact as long as the long-rumored injury issue doesn't turn out to be true. Ron Edwards is the other defensive tackle, and he's at least serviceable, but will suffer if Dorsey doesn't turn out to at least be an impact player. Tamba Hali may be the best player right now on the line, and if he takes the leadership role from Allen, it could be a banner year for him. The youth movement is beginning on the other side, with Turk McBride making a push on Alphonso Boone for the starting spot. With the Dorsey injury and youth questions, this index starts low, but could warm up as the months get colder. Heat Index: 5

Linebacker: What started out as a huge concern is looking, at least for the moment, like it's going to be passable. Derrick Johnson has all-world talent, but has yet to put together an impressive season-long campaign. He's the perennial "This could be the year!" guy. Johnson has too much talent to doubt his development. Donnie Edwards returns as the veteran core of the defense, while Pat Thomas and Demorrio Williams are newcomers that are looking like solid fits for Gunther Cunningham's system. The linebacking core isn't superb, but if the defense gels, they could have a huge hand in making some strides. Heat Index: 7

Secondary: Hope you like 'em young! The lone true veteran on the squad is Patrick Surtain, who at 32 years of age, enters the year after back to back career lows in interceptions. Surtain is still capable however, and should provide a good mentor for rookie Brandon Flowers. Flowers has looked tremendous in the preseason and the Chiefs are hoping he'll end up as the steal he looked like on draft day. Still he's a rookie, and the AFC West isn't getting any worse. The safety position is definitely in feast or famine mode, with Jarred Page and Bernard Pollard. Either one can be brilliant on any given play, or get completely lost in coverage and look like they take the shortbus home. They do bring a definite level of toughness and love to smack pads, though, so the fit in well with Gunther's system. It's swim or sink for them this season with rookie DaJuan Morgan behind them. Heat Index: 5

Special teams: Yeah, special is definitely the word. Punter Dustin Colquitt is a beast, a hoss, a man among punters. But then, when you get that much in-game practice you should be pretty good. Kicker... let me put it this way. If you feel like you could do pretty well nailing 25 yard field goals, please send your resume along with your shoe size to Arrowhead Drive, care of "Sweet Lord Baby Jesus, Why Are Good Kickers So Hard To Find?" Connor Barth and Nick Novak are locked in an epic struggle, and by epic I mean sad. We're not just talking field goals, we're talking kickoffs. For a team that relies on a field-position strategy, not having a kicker is a bad plan. Heat Index: 2

Coaching: Ask any four Chiefs fans about what they feel about Herm Edwards and you'll probably get four very different answers, ranging from "I'd wipe his memory and leave him in Antarctica" to "He just feels like he knows how to coach, you know?" Edwards has been preaching about "just playing football" since last season's debacle ended, which is good, since the Chiefs did very little activity actually resembling football last year. There's been so much turnover on this club that Edwards has earned a year free from criticism, at least as far as wins and losses go. But he's going to be under pressure to solve the quarterback situation one way or another, and to get past that nasty problem of understanding that the little number under the words "Time Remaining" go down and when they hit zero and you're on offense, that's bad. He did well to dump Mike Solari who may have actually killed the spirit of football last season, and brought in Chan Gailey. That's right. Chan is something to get excited about. At least Gailey will bring some ingenuity to a system that was beyond predictable last season. Gunther Cunningham is still a dictator, and the fans feel much better with his patented brand of smashmouth behind the wheel on defense. This isn't a make-or-break year for Edwards, but the team does have to show development. Heat Index: 5

Intangibles: Well, our coach can't tell time, our quarterback is just glad to be out of boring old Mayberry, our running back is more temperamental than Harvey Dent, and both of our star first round draft picks started the preseason with injuries. But on the bright side, Tackling While Intoxicated is gone to Minnesota and the price of parking is up! Shoot me. Heat Index: 2

Total Heat Index: 41

It's a rebuilding year, in the truest sense of the term. Edwards has finally cleaned the last remnants of the old regime out, save Brian Waters and Tony Gonzalez, and is starting over. The goal for this season has nothing to do with wins and losses, which is a good thing. It's about showing development, learning whether certain people can be the answers at their positions (*cough* Brodie! *cough) and maybe ruining a few people's playoff hopes. This team is at the bottom looking up, but there is a plan in place. No one has high expectations, which means there's no way they can disappoint. Right? Right? Where's the bottle?