Player Formerly Known as Pacman Takes New Nickname, Wants to Be Called Dig Dug Jones

We're still waiting for "Adam" Jones, upstanding citizen, to give way to the strip-club lovin' rain maker formerly known as Pacman. A rose by any other name and all that. So far, it hasn't happened, and as part of the new-and-improved him, "Adam" has decided to take another nickname. A symbol of his rebirth and whatnot.

He told the media last week that "Pacman" was out because "It's really just a lot of negativity behind it. It's time for a change." Which, obviously, is why, from this day forth, he will be known as Dig Dug. No, really:

"Pacman is a straight up p---- game compared to Dig Dug," said Jones. "Pacman just eats stuff. In Dig Dug you could blow people up or crush them with a rock. That's totally how I roll." ...

"People are doubting me, so I have to come stronger and harder than ever," said Jones. "I don't need people saying I'm some small, little yellow guy or cracking on me calling me 'Ms. Pacman.' No way. I mean, notice there was never any 'Ms. Dig Dug.' That's because Dig Dug would drop a rock on a b----."

Dig Dug makes a good point. And he seemingly gets the message that this could be his last stop before prison unless he changes. If part of that makeover includes a new nickname, I'm all for it. And Cowboys owner Jerry Jones agrees, apparently.

"This is a fine young man who made a few mistakes," Jones said. "And we are simply allowing him a chance to prove himself. I expect nothing but the best behavior from Dig Douglas."

But part of me wonders if Jones was too hasty to jump on the Dig Dug bandwagon. I mean, he could've gone with any number of other, more menacing 80s video games:

• Double Dragon Jones
• Asteroids Jones
• Donkey Kong Jones
• Galaga Jones
• Missile Command Jones

I'm guessing you see the pattern here: any 80s video game + Jones = potentially awesome new nickname. While I applaud Jones for wanting a fresh start, no way is Dig Dug more bad-ass than Rush'n Attack. Seriously, nobody questions Rush'n Attack Jones for asking for his "makin' it rain" money back. Rush'n Attack Jones doesn't have to wait in line for his ride after a night at the club. And NOBODY steals Rush'n Attack Jones' wallet.



Still, Dig Douglas appears set on his new moniker:

"I don't know how many more chances I'll get," he said. "You can only hit the reset button so many times before all of your accomplishments are tainted. Dig Dug taught me that. And now the whole league is about to be taught that you don't f-k with Dig Dug Jones. And that goes for everyone – wide receivers, quarterbacks, red, glasses-wearing tomato-looking things, even fire-breathing green dragons. Dig Dug will mess you up."

Let's see: Dig Dug Jones inflates Pookas and Fygars and drops rocks; Rush'n Attack Jones wields flamethrowers, RPGs and hand grenades. It's a not even close.