Ben Stein Furious Over Panthers' New Signing

Actor, game show host and intelligent design defender Ben Stein lashed out at the Carolina Panthers yesterday after hearing of their latest free agent signing.

"I think it's shameful that a team in the NFL, which is known to be filled with deeply religious people, would so eagerly accept Darwinism," said Stein.* "People need to understand the horrible impact this theory has had on millions of people."

Then someone explained to him that the Panthers actually signed Darwin Walker, the defensive tackle who formerly played for the Bears and the Eagles.

"Oh," said Stein.* "Well, that's entirely different. I was wondering why they waited so long to draft a defensive tackle."

Reportedly, Panthers coaches had been on the phone with Walker all throughout the draft to make sure he was still interested in joining the team, which explains why Carolina passed on several defensive tackles in the 3rd round. Walker is expected to move into John Fox's defensive line rotation with starters Damione Lewis and Ma'ake Kemoeatu and possibly either 6th-round pick Nick Hayden from Wisconsin or free agent rookie Brandon Jenkins from Mississippi. The full list of the Panthers' post-draft rookie signings is here.

* - Not actual quotes by Ben Stein. These are the jokes, people. It was also a cheap excuse to run that photo of Stein with Jenna Jameson. That pair would make a great sitcom, if sitcoms weren't dead.