Jerry Rice Joins the Dark Side

I begrudgingly made a trip to the local mall on Saturday. There were lots of people. No discernible flow of foot traffic. No coordination. Just a lot of people walking into each other. It reminded me of the Raiders' offensive line. Anyway, I wandered into the corner of the mall that harbors all of the misfit stores and noticed one called Race World. It was your one stop for all things NASCAR. Or, as I like to call it, sports hell.

Call me old-fashioned, and no offense to the sport or its fans, but I don't like NASCAR pervading our consciousness. In my mind, nothing good can happen of it -- this is evidenced by the abundance of new Redneck Comedy specials.

So, it's with great consternation that I beg, "Say it ain't so, Jerry!"

Jerry Rice, the greatest wide receiver in NFL history, has been named Grand Marshal of the Toyota/Save Mart 350 NASCAR NEXTEL Cup Series weekend at Infineon Raceway, June 22-24.

Rice, best known as a member of the San Francisco 49ers, will be honored throughout the weekend, most notably at the Raceway Builder's Grand Marshal's Banquet on Friday night, June 22, at beautiful Cline Cellars in Sonoma. All proceeds from the banquet benefit Speedway Children's Charities.

"This will be a new experience for me and I'm really looking forward to it," Rice said. "I've never been to a NASCAR race but I understand it is quite an experience. I'm honored to be grand marshal of the race weekend and I'm looking forward to the event."

I guess this is one step above "Dancing With the Stars." I guess.

(Photo credit: Getty Images)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

6-04-2007 @ 2:14PM

Real Men Wear Black said...

Tom....

"I begrudgingly made a trip to the local mall on Saturday."

....Yet I'm certain you held yourself in a dignified manner amongst the commoners you were coerced to share a roof with.

"There were lots of people"

....At a mall?...On a Saturday?....Go figure!....Who would imagin?

" No discernible flow of foot traffic. No coordination. Just a lot of people walking into each other."

....Interesting, it may even lead one to ascertain "they" were at the mall "begrudgingly".

"It reminded me of the Raiders offensive line."

....They were all men with a physical superiority vastly diminishing your masculinity?
In effect, causing you to "begrudgingly" scurry home to voice your judgments behind the relative safty of your keyboard?

"Anyway, I wandered into the corner of the mall that harbors all the misfit stores"

....Ahhh yes, the asylum of the "begrudged", the sanctuary of the "physically inferior".
Astounding no less, that you were able to locate such a mall with the shelter you certainly found indispensable.

"Or, as I like to call it, sports hell"

....Wouldn't "sports hell" for you be more like butting heads for 30 seconds with "any" NFL offensive lineman?

"no offense to the sport or its fans"

....No offense taken....You did say you weren't a fan, correct?
The only offense taken would be if we were "begrudgingly" obliged to call you one of us.

"but I don't like NASCAR pervading our consciousness"

....Understandable, with your "consciousness" already saturated with your delusions of superiority, your superficial comments would certainly betray your preposterous missive's regarding NASCAR.

"In my mind, nothing good can happen of it"

....LMAO!........nah, too easy.

" the abundance of new Redneck Comedy specials"

....As opposed to the abundance of witless, intelligence-free, obtuse blog writers.

"I guess this is one step above dancing with the stars"

....Your job?.........I guess!

6-04-2007 @ 3:11PM

BigBlueatTheBeach said...

Wow Tom. I'm not a NASCAR fan either, it just doesn't interest me. But what brought about that arrogant rant? Apparently something about a popular American family sport has got your panties in a bunch. Your wife run off with a NASCAR driver?

6-04-2007 @ 3:18PM

6-04-2007 @ 3:20PM

6-04-2007 @ 3:29PM

B.A. said...

You are NASCAR illiterate and therefore shouldn't write about it. Stick to what you know and leave the NASCAR writing to the rest of us.

6-04-2007 @ 5:39PM

ridd7 said...

you are an asshole, you cant write,think,express anything that makes sense,"oh yeah, im the nascar fan that did your wife,she likes a pole man"

6-04-2007 @ 5:41PM

It"s me again,,,tell your wife I said "howdy"

6-04-2007 @ 6:00PM

whats wrong,,,cant start your engine [idiot]

6-06-2007 @ 2:29AM

David Cochran said...

I am a huge fan of nascar. Tom is just voicing his opinion. I disagree with him, but I'm not going to get bent out of shape over it, just as I doubt many people would get upset by me criticizing basketball.