Coming Soon, the Cheerleading Hall of Fame

An organization called "Proformance Sports Marketing and Entertainment" announced plans today to open up an official Cheerleading Hall of Fame. Sounds great, but I wouldn't want to mop the floors there.

No, but seriously, that's great news. I'm going to start saving up quarters for the private viewing booths.

Said Cindy Villarreal-Hughes, president of PSME and cheerleading guru:

"Cheerleading means so much to major sports, and is widely accepted around the world. The timing is ripe for a Hall of Fame."

She's right, cheerleading means so much. Without cheerleaders, no one would know when to cheer. We'd have no concept of the appropriate time to clap, applaud, or scream. Without these girls, I'm totally confused at sporting events. I just wait for them to do something, and then I go, "PRETTY GIRL CLAP, ME CLAP TOO." In essence, what I'm saying is, these girls give me the clap.

You know how the Pro Football Hall of Fame has game-worn items that were worn on historic plays? Like the jersey Emmitt Smith wore when he broke Walter Payton's record? Will they do this for cheerleading?

Will they have sports bras in glass cases? Perhaps with a plaque below it that reads:

"This is the bra worn by Shirley Beavteron during her legendary 'B-E AGGRESSIVE!' performance during the 1982 49ers vs. Packers game. This historic garment held Shirley's enormous bosoms high and gently squeezed them together while she implored her 49ers to continue their aggressive play."

Austin is considered a favorite to host the Hall of Fame, but it's not yet a lock. According to Shelby Bell, a PSME spokeswoman, other sites are being considered "because they are central cheerleading points of interest." I would like to direct her to another central cheerleading point of interest, located in my pants.