NFL

The Kornheiser Chronicles: Week 15

Posted Dec 19, 2006 4:16AM By mjd (RSS feed)

Filed Under: Kornheiser Chronicles, NFL Media Watch

Print
Text Size A A A
Last night was the Week 15 Monday Night Football game, which means that I will be listening to no more than two more Tony Kornheiser-called football games for the rest of my life. I sort of doubt that he'll be back next year, and even if he is, I'm not letting the FanHouse people rope me into doing another season of the Kornheiser Chronicles. I'd sooner volunteer to write weekly updates on the health and working status of John Madden's colon.

Seriously. I'll buy the colonoscopy equipment myself if I have to.

Tony got the broadcast started last night with an opening monologue about how Peyton Manning has never gotten to a Super Bowl, but that he's a really nice guy. At this point, I had to pause the game on the DVR and stop and think about that.

I had never really considered that Peyton Manning hadn't been to the Super Bowl before. No one had never brought that to my attention before, and it completely changed the way I watched the game. I was rooting for this character; this guy, what's his name? Manning? I suddenly found him sympathetic and likable because of this fresh new take.

And again before kickoff, Kornheiser struck. The Bengals fans love their "Who Dey" cheers, something that the rest of the country finds confusing and irksome. Kornheiser says he thought the Saints were "Who Dey," but I don't think he really meant that. I think he knew damn well that the Saints rallying cry was "Who Dat," rather.

None of this is terribly troublesome. Granted, it was still largely inane, and the best time and place for it was probably not just as the ball was being kicked off.

But the really troublesome part was that Kornheiser went to this much trouble as a setup for a joke about Hootie and the Blowfish. "Who Dey? Who Dat? Hootie and the Blowfish?" Quality, Tone. A timely and relevant reference. I guess the Pat Benatar jokes are being saved for the second half.

My favorite part of last night's broadcast, however, was the booth appearance of Matthew McCoughnahey, who, in 10 or 15 minutes, said about 11 words. That immediately makes him my favorite in-booth guest of all-time, even ahead of Christian "WHOA!" Slater. McCoughnahey was just overwhelmed ... and hey, you probably would be, too, if you had just met three guys for the first time and within five minutes of meeting them, all three of them had called you "sexy." That happened, friends. That. Happened.

To note any more about last night's broadcast would just feel like piling on, and I don't feel up for it. I really hate being this hard on Tony Kornheiser, because he did work his ass off to prepare for the season and be as good as he possibly could be. He doesn't necessarily deserve a mountain of criticism. It's like trying to fit a square peg into a solid block of titanium. It's not his fault. It just wasn't meant to be.

But the good news is that I'm not only doing this a maximum of two more times (and next week's game is on Christmas Day, so I tend to doubt I'll be around for that one). So soak it up. The Kornheiser Chronicles is on its death bed, and I'm not at all unhappy about that.

Related Articles

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

| 1 | 2 | Most Recent | Next 20 Comments