The Kornheiser Chronicles: Week 12

He still sucks.

It's so tiresome trying to come up with a little intro paragraph every week that kind of recaps Kornheiser's performance for the evening. It sucked, okay? I suppose maybe we should credit him for trying to make himself more a part of the background, but he even fails at that. He even reached what I thought was a low point last night, but we'll get to that at the end of the post. For the most part during the Seattle/Green Bay game, he was like a plant sitting between Tirico and Theismann ... if you've ever had a plant that you wished would just shut the hell up.

Tony's pregame monologue focused on Brett Favre's longevity in the league, and the fact that it rains a lot in Seattle. Awesome storylines, and things I wasn't aware of. Next week, he may mention that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit. Excellent.

Later, the Packers had a 3rd and goal from the 12-yard-line in the first half. They elected to call a running play, which came up woefully short of the endzone. It was a very strange play call, and Mike Tirico commented on it:

Tirico: There's a surprising play call.
Kornheiser: It was a run.

That it was, Tony. That it was.

Jimmy Kimmel, in another bit of ESPN/ABC cross-promotion, was the celebrity guest in the booth last night. I think Jimmy Kimmel's a funny guy, and I have enjoyed a lot of work he's done. I happen to think his late night talk show is pretty bad, though, and I've always wondered what kind of people enjoyed it. I now have my answer. People like Tony Kornheiser enjoy it. People who talk endlessly about the Brett Favre's longevity and Seattle's weather love Jimmy Kimmel's show.

Kimmel got off a couple of very funny lines, and since he's a football fan, he understands how annoying it can be when a jackass celebrity talks over a play. He noted that a couple of times and stepped out of Tirico's way, which I found admirable. He said to Joe Theismann, "Joe, how's the leg?" which I thought was hysterical. And later, Tirico asked him if he was going to have any quality guests on the show soon, and Kimmel replied, "Michael Irvin will be on the show. But no, not really."

But as funny as Kimmel was in spots, the presence of Kornheiser and Theismann actually took away from it. They overlaughed at his jokes and set him up with lame questions for which there couldn't possibly be a funny response. Jimmy Kimmel was not the problem with the celebrity in the booth segment last night. The regulars were.

One other Kornheiser thing I wanted to mention, and this might be a low point for him on the year. Matt Hasselbeck, having sat out for weeks and weeks with a knee injury, was extremely rusty in the first half, and made some bad throws. Kornheiser wondered aloud if the Seahawks might want to pull him from the game in favor of Seneca Wallace.

Of course, that's a moronic notion. Seattle's going to pull a guy who's proven himself to be one of the best quarterbacks in the league because he's rusty in his first start back? In favor of Seneca Wallace, who threw three interceptions in a crucial game last week?

And that wasn't even the bad part. Theismann, in a gentler way than he should have, shot the idea down. Tirico even had to react, saying, "You can't bench your Pro Bowl quarterback." And then Kornheiser comes back with, "I agree with you, but I think there's a lot of people out there wondering..."

No, Tony. No one else was out there thinking that Seneca Wallace should be in the game, with the possible exceptions of Seneca Wallace's parents. You were the only one thinking that, Theismann and Tirico exposed the thought for how silly it was, and then you tried to make it look like you were just trying to get an explanation for the rest of America who apparently can't comprehend football on the same level you can. Insulting.